FIRE YOUR DESIGNER!- Issue 2: 2009 Penny

{Editor's Note: I had to make corrections to this. The building was not the memorial but the Illinois capitol building. Also I failed to look it up before but apparently this is a part of a series of pennies about Lincoln's life, it's his bicentennial or something. Still sucks though.}

We've all seen pennies, some of us may or may not have even shoved them up our ass at one time or another in order to get a one up on someone (anyone?...please?). Growing up in this country, there are certain things we as citizens just kind of get used to. In the past 10 years the US Mint has been trying to reinvent itself to some degree of success. The state quarters were a pretty neat idea when they started coming out and the presidential dollars now allow me to carry James K. Polk, and eventually Taft, with me wherever I go. The warm and more likely just innocuous reception of these is because it's something just new enough that people will say "neat" for a second then carry on. Another very important difference is those other coins were just well done. The US Mint just released a penny though that, while it's not offensive by any means, just makes me replace that "neat" with "the fuck?".



My god...GIANT ZOMBIE LINCOLN HAS COME TO ENSLAVE US ALL!!!!!

This is just another one of those things that a lot of designers just call "overkill." How many times can we put something related to Lincoln on a small metal disc and just release it to the public as (be it useless) currency? I see what they were trying to do, and I know Lincoln is supposed to be in the foreground but it would've been must better if they just completely kept the second Lincoln out of the picture and just had the Illinois Capitol Building. Hell, Lincoln even looks like an after thought. This is very possibly the worst juxtaposition of any presidential figure to anything. Woodrow Wilson at a Klan rally would not only probably look better but make more sense (little known fact: Wilson actually was a very outspoken white supremacist.) It looks like the client saw the beautiful building etching, said "that's nice, but people are dumb GIVE ME MORE LINCOLN! and the designer, fed up with client, just put him in there as a very last ditch thought and the client said "fantastic, right in the viewers face THE VERY EMBODIMENT OF THE AMERICAN WAY!!! Hell, half the time people don't even look at these things anyway." You know what US Mint? I do, and that is why you should fire your designer.


Seriously, doubly now because this is the second screw up this year. Stick to what you folks know, please, this country is enough of a mockery as it is.

Creatively Stumped: ep. 3 Best of the Aughts part 1

also available on iTunes

Babel Fish Telephone: or why Babel Fish doesn't work.

Here's an experiment I've been doing for a while when it's late, there's no good skin flicks on, and I just feel like fucking around with something that is not called a "power tool." For as long as I can remember there has been an online service called "Babel Fish." This is an online service (named after the "Hitchhiker's Guide" creature of the same name) that originally started as an alta vista website (geez, when was the last time anyone ever heard that name?) and now it's a yahoo service. Pretty much you type in a phrase and you can translate through several languages. The thing is, it's not very good, observe a little exercise of telephone. I started out this journey by typing in a simple phrase "I enjoy cake with my tea." in english.



simple enough, so I then translated it to English's closest language cousin, German.



So far so good, it seems like it could be what I initially wrote because it has a close number of words. I didn't test it out, but I'm going to assume that says "I enjoy cake with my tea." in German. Then I "translated" from German to French.



This is when things seem to get weird. Now, my limited knowledge of French tells me that sentence structure is very different between germanic and romance languages, but as far as number count goes this just turned from a simple sentence to something illegible. Let's throw in a curve ball and translate from French to Dutch.



Wow, personally I'm almost frightened to see what in the fuck that even says. So, that said let's get back to jolly old English.



Yup, just what I expected. This is like a Bizarro version of the game "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" where you have to try to get as far away as possible to the original phrase. What started as an innocent enough phrase of "I enjoy cake with my tea." has gone through the channels and become hideous Engrish of utmost proportions and has been raped and pillaged to say "I profited of the cakes of my the." Try it sometime when you're bored, you get especially wonderful results when you go into a completely different alphabet like Greek or Mandarin.

-Jonny Gonzo

Creatively Stumped: ep. 2 Animation

Resurrecting an Art Form: The Rebirth of Traditional Anim...

Creatively Stumped

First episode: Creatively Stumped

Nicolas Cage: His Soul Is Still Dancing (12/8/09)

Creatively Stumped

Coming soon

My dear friend Matt Rosen and I are starting a weekly podcast. First episode is recording Monday and probably will be online Tuesday. The podcast is called "Creatively Stumped" and we will be primarily talking about pop culture and movies. First episode is about Nicholas Cage, stay tuned readers as soon as it's online I'll post it here.

FIRE YOUR DESIGNER!- Issue 1: 2009 Sacagawea Dollar

As many of you know I used to be a Graphic Design Student, and though I have since left that behind what I learned and that "designer" set of eyes has kept with me like the most tenacious case of herpes. That said, issue 1 of the new blog series "FIRE YOUR DESIGNER!"

In 1999/2000 the US Mint released dollar coins with the face of the American Indian guide Sacagawea. It was a return to dollar coins and the first female (since Susan B.) on the face of a US coin, it was supposed to be huge. What ended up happening was just another way for mass transit to easily make change at ticket machines and the use of these coins, in a couple years fell to, well, use with just mass transit. Since then the US Mint has started releasing dollar coins once again, his time as a series of presidential coins, finally presidents like James K Polk and Taft get their day in the spotlight! In turn they've also revamped and re released the failed Sacagawea dollars with a shinier finish and new back.

There you have it, ain't them purdy? That's the front of them anyway, the problem I have right now is with the back of the new one.
>I first saw these this past week while riding NJT to New Brunswick and something didn't sit right, here's a close up of the back of the new one.
Then it hit me, the font they used in the lettering on the back. It's a cheesy MSword decorative font like that kind used on cheap mexican food places. Take some change out of your pocket and check out the fonts used on most US Currency. Very official looking Serifs and San Serifs right? Then the US mint throws this shit ball font at us and it cheapens the look. My mom said it best when I showed her the coin "is that even real?" I understand what they were thinking when they made this coin, lets be honorable to native cultures in this country and portray a design that coincides with their culture. They could have easily done that by just keeping the very beautiful embossing work on the back (the woman even has tits!) and keeping the standard font used on the rest of US Currency. Instead they took the Disney approach and used that cheese ball font and in turn cheapened an entire culture, and that is why they need to FIRE THEIR DESIGNER!

-Jonny Gonzo

So Starts the Year of the Bastard: A Look at My Depression and Its End

I've been out of it for a while, all year come to think of it. I've been waiting I suppose, getting steam back, getting on track once again. These past couple months, (okay, august to october) have been pretty fucking tough for me, and the rare occasion this year is November thus far has been my best month. That's normally not strange but for years November for me has been this ominous thing because it's the last full punch in the face from the year. Seriously, most things happen to me in November, I can't explain it. Seasonal depression, confusion, friends getting mugged, losing friends, fights, you name it, chances are it happens to me between the dates of November First and Thirtieth; this year though things have changed in a big way. There's going to be a lot of changes for the better, finally some bloody progress for once. Keep on checking back dear readers, all two of you, it's going to be worth it folks. These next 365 days are going to be The Year of the Bastard.

A Rare Moment of Optimism

Often I, like many others my age, look at past generations and eras, the events that happened world wide, and feel my generation fell, well, short. We have no great wars, depressions, labor or civil movements, or even music that will alter the world for centuries to come. When I've soaked this in I look at science and technology from the future and believe I'm not going to be there for interstellar travel, non fossil fueled cars let alone flying ones, and cures for cancer and aids. I feel like my generation is stuck in a limbo between two great ages. It's frustrating really, I'm too late for hobos but too early for lightsabers. All the innovations now are stepping stones to bigger things. It is this very idea that gets me thinking, maybe I didn't miss out after all.
I was born in 1987, since then the Berlin Wall fell, hip hop became mainstream, and several small businesses have risen to immense power and choked the life out of Main St., USA. In the past twenty years there have been two unpopular wars in the same region, World Trade collapsed (figuratively and physically), the Internet has taken over and brought forth the rise of independent journalism, and the first black president has been signed into office.
After I contemplate this I then think about what I will see. In the next ten years I am going to first hand experience the death of the newspaper and tiny solar panels that can stay underground and collect energy via a fiber optic wire that are up to six times more efficient than conventional solid panels. We are going to see a rise in fuel efficient cars, Terabytes of data stored on a hair, processors that work almost as quickly as the human mind, and even LED Light Tattoos that glow and shift with the body.
As far as movements there is a very important civil rights movement really taking hold. The Gay and Lesbian Rights Movement grows every day in this country; the demonstrations this autumn alone shows us this and the fervor just keeps on thriving. Race relations, though still not where they should be, are improving every day as well. On top of all this one of the largest revolutions ever in world history, the Information Revolution is in full swing. With internet and mobile technology, ideas, facts, and beliefs are spreading faster than ever. This leads to people all over the world really seeing the truth out there and they're getting pissed.
It's always been easy for me to be cynical, optimism though, especially for society and the human race in its whole entirety has been seemingly lost for quite some time. I now see though what all those folk singers from the 60s I love so much saw, and in turn what the Folk and Blues singers saw in the 20s and 30s. The world is a constantly changing place, and though times can be tough and bleak, dig a bit deeper for that vein of excitement and wonder, and you will see that progress really is coming, and it's just a matter of when the movements of today turn from glaciers to avalanches.

-Jonny Gonzo

It is better to try and to fail than not try at all

That last post was on a low night. Since then some things have come up that have changed my perspective on my little journey. Sure, I made mistakes, and sure I'm paying for them, but why give up? I try not to look up to sports stars and teams, but a perfect example of this has been the Philadelphia Phillies in this arduous World Series. Down 1-3 games against the Evil Empire that is the NY Yankees, the other night they went on the field, and despite problems, won the game 8 to 6. They are now down by only one game and stand a chance at winning the world series despite great odds against them. They may be losing still but they're doing it with style and are still striving.
Little stories like this are the things that I should take into thought and consideration. I'm going through a stressful period right now, but I've been there before, we all have. I just need to stop getting so down on myself and try to look at things differently. So, followers of the Gonzo, I am apologizing for my recent shit headedness, I assure you things are just going to keep on getting better from here on out.

- Jonny Gonzo

Lamentations of an Introspective Bastard

Every day as I walk the four miles to work, I can't help but think of what I am, where I've been, and what do I want to do. Has my life really grown so dull that the only company I have is my own thoughts and regrets? I've done a lot of shitty things, never to anyone but to myself. I've made mistakes as anyone does but for some reason I can't help but think of my mistakes as grave. When I turned 18 I wanted to get out of the comfort zone of the town and area I grew up in. Without regard to the people I was leaving behind I fled, yes, fled, to Chicago. I was comfortable, I met several people I'd risk it all for, but six months later I fled again to Philadelphia. Four years and 76 grand in debt later, what do I have to show for it besides burnt bridges and broken promises? I spend my days like any other working stiff just trying to make ends meet, no degree, and increasingly it seems no future. Don't get me wrong, those who I have met and befriended along this path I would never want to forget. This is why it's hard for me, my experiences and the solid people I have met are what keep me from totally regretting my course of actions, but I can't help to think "what if?" What if I stayed in Chicago, what if I didn't even leave for Chicago, what if I didn't drop out of school, and what if I actually took some goddamn initiative and got myself out of this shithole I've dug? That's the real tragedy here, I probably have every opportunity to claw through the sewage and help myself but I increasingly find that there are more blocks along the way. Perhaps this is why I left home and Chicago? I thought things were coming to a dead end and decided to flee, or maybe my mom is right in saying there is a reason for everything. Such is life I suppose, but it's hard to say that when I continuously feel that mine hasn't even started yet.

"Who is the bigger fool? The fool or the fool that follows him?"

Archive '09: Despite Oppressive Heat, Phils-Yanks series gives hope for the fall

With the recent outcome of the ALCS figured I'd put this up again, this is from May shortly after the Philles/Yanks interleague series. LET THE TURNPIKE SERIES BEGIN!!!!!

Despite Oppressive Heat, Phils-Yanks series gives hope for the fall
-May 25, 2009

The summer's in swing, humidity is ungodly, and the heat is killing me, that's nothing though compared to the fireworks in the Bronx this past weekend. The Phillies ended their 8-2 marvel of a road trip at the New Yankee stadium Sunday to a mixed crowd of Phils and Yanks fans. Despite each fan's affiliation though one thing was on everyone's mind "what a hell of a series." The bats were swinging and despite Lidge's problems both bullpens were on top of their game. You know it was a fantastic couple games when the losing teams fans are even saying "damn that was good."
Is this a sign of things to come? I hope so. Both teams were so equally matched that two out of three games came down to the 9th (and in sunday's case the 10th and 11th.) The working man's ball club showed the nation that they can stand up to the best team money can buy and in turn millions of viewers were able to see some real serious ball being played. Trust me when I say this series made me look forward to more from the team I grew up to love to hate and I hope they make it to the post season, even if it's just to see the Phillies beat them.

Severed Thumbs: Where the Wild Things Are

Initially "Severed Thumbs" was just going to be for horror movies, but I couldn't think of any other rating system so I'm going to keep with it. As always, I don't know much about film so these reviews are based on pure observation.

I went into Where the Wild Things Are with a couple things to expect. Beautiful landscapes and effects, Spike Jonze, and the expansion of a ten sentence children's book into a two hour movie. I also heard two people's takes on it, one said boring as hell, the other said it was really good. So I insisted on seeing it for myself. It starts out with Max chasing his dog then it goes to him playing in the snow, annoying his big sister, and having her friends get carried away and crushing his soul and his igloo. There's more padding where we see Max's family life, his single mom trying to get it on, and then him being a brat and running away, first quarter of the movie done, now onto the Island.
We first see the wild things bickering amongst themselves because Carol {the main monster?} is destroying their homes. He's blaming everyone for not being there for him and he's all alone. Max relates, helps Carol destroy homes, and then almost gets eaten by the Wild Things before he convinces them he's a king. Then we get a big fun monster romp and everyone falls asleep in a big pile, but not before Max meets K.W. the monster who pissed off Carol because she has new friends. K.W. is a voice of reason in the otherwise hectic world of caricatures of different moods and types of children. Then we are introduced to the rest of the Wild Things before Carol and Max tour the kingdom in a huge montage to hip, Karen O stylings, Second Quarter of Movie and first half done.
Second half starts with Carol showing Max his secret place and giant diorama including miniatures of all the Wild Things. At this moment I was expecting Judge Frollo to come in but instead Max and Carol decide to make a huge fortress and playground where everyone will be happy. Construction goes great, everyone's happy and... MONTAGE!!! At this moment, Max and K.W. have been getting closer and Max is having doubts about this King Business so She takes Max to see her two muppets...i mean...friends. They "talk" and K.W. brings her friends back with them. Carol gets jealous and so ends 3/4 of the movie.
Last 1/4 of the movie hell breaks loose. There's a dirt clod war turned sour, The Wild Things get restless, Max admits he's not a king, and Carol goes crazy. The Kingdom Crumbles, Max decides to go home, and I'm getting exhausted just writing this, end credits.
It's not that this was a bad movie. It was beautifully done, the imagery was fantastic, and it had some good messages. The Wild Things were personifications of all of Max's lesser qualities and he learned to cope with his own feelings in seeing these things act foolish. The biggest weakness of this movie (besides Karen O's ear piercing Warble) was it's length. Those very same messages the movie conveyed in 2 hours it could have more effectively conveyed in 90 minutes. This movie's saving graces were it's imagery and it's ability to dig deep into the soul and bring out the darker sides of child hood. Growing up I didn't have many friends. I lived in the woods, and when I moved out of the woods and to Jersey I just felt out of place. I didn't find anywhere to fit in until my Senior Year of High School. This movie brought back those feelings of loneliness and confusion. When most people say they feel like a kid again they remember summers from school, fun with friends, and not having a care. I think of feeling out of place, questioning everything, and an unparalleled awkwardness toward the world around me, and that's why I give this movie 4 out of 6 Severed Thumbs.

Severed Thumbs: Zombieland

So before I start I'm going to just get some things straight. I know very little about film, my reviews are based on what I see and what I like and nothing else. My rating system is based off of what I perceive; as a disclaimer *and anyone who has known me long or well enough will agree to this* take whatever I say with a whole bloody shaker of salt. Now that that's done, ZOMBIELAND!

Okay so I'm going to start with the first 10 minutes of the movie and my experiences and go from there.

"cool, i like where this is headed. It takes place 2 months after the zombie apocalypse, I like the main character's rules."

*"For Whom the Bell Tolls" by Metallica starts to play, opening credits start*

"...this is fucking bangarang."

That said, Zombieland is a movie about 4 people who meet up in a post-apocalyptic world run by zombies. How they meet up? I refuse to say, there's going to be a lot of that in this review. So take "Wristcutters: A love Story", "Shaun of the Dead", and Woody Harrelson being a complete fucking bad ass and you have Zombieland. The Horror is there, the comedy is a nice after thought, and the movie is fantastically made and on such a small budget. The Make up effects are pretty standard for the zombie genre but there's one thing this movie has that others don't and that's *drum roll* FAT ZOMBIES! It makes perfect sense, dudes who can't run from a horde of flesh hungry former friends and family would be the first to go.
Now on to the characters. The narrator is Columbus, a 20 something year old shut in virgin who spent his entire life indoors. No Friends, no family, just Mountain Dew Code Red and World of Warcraft. His wits and cowardice have been his greatest assets in this Zombie World and he's survived because of them. He Meets up with Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) who has nothing left to live for besides twinkies and the idea of he's a pro at killing zombies. They meet up with Hot Chick (Wichita) and Little Girl from "Little Miss Sunshine" (Little Rock) and there we go, buddy road comedy in the making...with zombies. Don't let this lame synopsis fool you though, this movie is a must have in any zombie collection. I'm not exaggerating when I say this is up there with Evil Dead 2 and Shaun of the Dead (actually, the director Ruben Fleischer was inspired to make "Zombieland" when he saw "Shaun of the Dead".) The characters fit so well, you have the paranoid, Caulrophobic voice of reason, the Bad ass Shit Kicker, the Crafty hot chick and her 12 going on 30 little sister. This rounds out our family that we as viewers follow the whole movie.
What I especially loved about this movie is it takes place after the Zombie Apocalypse. These are the only 4 Humans we see in this desolate wasteland the entire movie. It's not "this shit is coming down and it's heavy" it's "this shit came down, now what?" Survival horror at its finest. I laughed, I cried, and there was just the right amount of gore and jumping from my seat. 5 out of 6 Severed Thumbs.

Change Will Only Come to those Who Open the Eyes of the Willingly Blind

I've been trying to keep up with the news on the protests that occurred at G-20. There was one protest that erupted in a big way, a bunch of Pitt Students and a CNN reporter got gassed and arrested. It's unfortunate yes, but I say it was a sign of success. In every protest/revolution/etc. there is one fact that a lot of people overlook, and that is, to make prominent change one must involve the middle class, the voters, the populace who otherwise don't know what is going on. I repeat myself, yes, but I can't think of any other way to put it, The Willingly Blind.
I've been to several protests myself, and for the longest time I was weekly helping a group called Food Not Bombs. I tried my hardest to submerse myself in that culture but that was the one trend I could not help but see. A lot of these groups have the right idea, their heart is in the right place, but overall it comes down to one fatal flaw, you're preaching to the choir. Food Not Bombs for instance is a world wide group that cooks vegan and vegetarian food for the homeless in metropolitan areas. They do so by donations from supermarkets, dock workers, pretty much anyone with perfectly fine vegetables that are not otherwise "fit" to be sold to people. They are not a non-profit group, at least in the eyes of the law, and for the most part it's a group of people who share similar ideals who do something great for the world and make damn sure it's in plain, public view. My reasons for ending my tenure with the group are my own, but there is a problem with this otherwise fantastic group and it's the same problem that many movements meet, and that is both its strong point and weakness. Simply, it's a group of like minded people that are dissenting while becoming prone to the very same trends that say, the republican party fall prey to.
Everyone is so like minded, and so agreeable that barely any growth comes out of it. Sure, it's in a public place, especially in the case of the group I was in. We served in a very touristy, middle/upper class area, but the people who lived and visited either just didn't give a damn, or were so foreign to the idea of helping people that they were completely disgusted by the display of hope and good will that they would call the police. In a country founded by these ideals it is now just a cruel, dog eat dog world. It's like when I walk down the street and hold doors open for people going into buildings that I myself am not going into. They get repulsed! Especially women, because in this society, especially on the East Coast, we are so jaded with these ideals, that we get scared and uncomfortable. This leads me to my point, it is not the groups that fail, never, it is that we live in a world where being a Good Samaritan is either considered a sign of weakness, or it's so foreign to people that they get scared and think "he/she's being nice, what are their real intentions?"
It's repugnant, it really is, I'm prone to it as well, If I see a lost child crying for their parents, I'm afraid, because I wonder what are people going to think? Maybe I'm a molester, maybe I'm trying to hurt the kid. Luckily I'm young enough now that there's the off chance that people will think he/she's my younger sibling, or given how the world is now, my son/daughter, but in 10 or 15 years? What then? But I have greatly digressed. What people need to do is they have to make their cause and actions acceptable to the middle/upper classes, the group that society deems "fit" to have a word. Sure, the constitution has changed, but the ideas of the founding fathers are still strong. Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of happiness...if you are white, male, middle aged and own land. What we blue shirts need to do is try to set aside our class biases even for a moment and try, and I mean really TRY (trust me, it's hard) to make our causes and ideals known to that "Higher Class". We need to package them in such a palatable way, without sugar coating the real story, so it's easier to swallow and maybe then we can have some sort of unity.

-Jonny Gonzo

Is it ever sunny in Philadelphia?

Everyday the city is under my feet and everyday I get more disgusted at the cruel display that unfolds. Walking to work is like walking through a safari. Savages are all around me, like rich slobs on the backs of slaves looking for that next big kill. Anger has been taking over kindness and humanity is standing on a powder keg. In the few years I've been here there has always been a balance of bad vibes but this year things are getting...heavier. The snake is starting to bite its own tail and a cycle of tensions and violence is quickly closing in. Then again, it could have always been like this and I'm just now starting to see the true demonic face of the situation. A city found on revolutionary ideals of freedom from oppression is nothing more than the butt of barbarous jokes. Corruption and death has sullied the name of the city and the few people that see it are too busy bitching amongst themselves to accomplish anything. Is there really an American Dream anymore? People from all around emigrate to this country with those hopes but they are soon shattered by a juggernaut of greed and complacency, but then again, perhaps that is the American Dream. As a great writer once said "In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upward mobile." With the right set of eyes, one can see the high water mark of this atrocity before the real wave hits. I feel, if the tsunami of filth and broken dreams is going to come to that mark, it'll be right here at Independence Hall. Where the poetry of old world ideals and the disease of new world reality mingle in such balance that no one will even know what happened.

it's been a while

Alright, alright, fine, you've twisted my arm, I'll start writing again. It's been a while since I've written anything, even longer for anything substantial. Pretty much lately I've been sticking to beer and book reviews but not so much in what I want to do which is investigative journalism. I have several ideas, the easiest being a report on "for profit" schools and student loans. I want to do this because this is something that I have regrettably become very very familiar with. I already have several friends who want to help me with interviews and resources so hot damn! Currently I'm in my own battles with the financial Juggernaut (IT'S THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH AND I GOT A BITCH WITH ME!) known as Sallie Mae. Apparently in 2007, Junior passed a law stating any loans signed for after 2006 were susceptible to the College Cost Reduction Act (CCRA) meaning, given one's income the loanee is only responsible for 10% of his or her total income, given I'm a po' white boy that's 800 a year. They're trying to get me to pay 826 a month and I didn't even know about this act until my roommate mentioned it in conversation. Updates to come.

Free Trade Viruses: part 1

We all have come in contact with those wonderful little bugs over the Internet. Whether it's the latest spam thread on myspace.com or a potent virus found in emails, these little fuckers have been getting PC users (and to a lesser extent Mac users) by the short and curlies ever since the Internet first became popular in the 1990s. Where do all of these come from though? Like most people I at first just thought it was a handful of people just trying to screw up things, but upon reading an article on it from zdnet.co.uk it turns out that many of the viruses and spam we receive and deal with on a regular basis come from a vast underground network not too dissimilar to the mafia.
It pretty much rounds out like this. Someone hires one or several people to write the code for these viruses. They negotiate payment then the coders in turn hire even more people to send out these viruses. As stated in the initial article

Security experts are increasingly pointing to the existence of a "black" or "shadow" cyber-economy, where malware services are sold online using the same kinds of development methods and guarantees given by legitimate software vendors.

So the Trojan you get in an email from someone on your contact list stating "this website/picture/game/video/whatever is so cool and LOLs" it's possible that they in turn got it from numerous people; networks, within networks.
In short even the world of malware isn't safe from free market capitalism. This I suppose goes along with the phrase "If a dollar is to be made, people will do it."
What interests me the most about this topic is just the sheer idea that even in something that seems so random as viruses and spam there is still such an organized crime network. Professionals are still unsure just how organized this "black cyber-economy" is but in one example used in the article they sure as hell know how to pack a punch. The UK is and has been continually hit by a piece of Malware named "storm." This is a malware "bot" that was created that sent emails saying "230 Dead as Storm Batters Europe." When people open this email they get the virus. An employee of the well known antivirus company McAfee had this to say about "Storm."

"Storm has been exceptionally successful...It's used for spam runs, and researchers attempting to locate Storm command and control servers have come under attack. The hardest part is finding the key to those channels. They're not always easy to detect and find. Some of the communications are encrypted, while some are difficult to detect from a network point of view. I hate to use the word evolution, but they're certainly learning from their successes and failures. If it weren't for Storm, bots would be in significant recession. Some days we're seeing 1,000 different variants a day"

Like some weird Frankenstein's Monster, Storm is still evolving and learning to this day. Every new version of it takes lessons from the previous versions and it's becoming harder and harder for anti-virus/malware professionals to reverse its damage.
The real question though is who is making the money from these programs besides the anti-malware professionals? Those who have been caught are primarily just small players who are trying to pick up some extra cash. No John Gottis of the cyber world have been found (yet), but the competition is still fierce. One programmer, after creating a "packer" which is a program used to bypass computer security, ended up calling it quits after he just could not get a break. One thing that must be realized is it's not just other programmers these coders are going against; bots such as "Storm" are becoming more and more prevalent in the malware underground. Just like in a lot of modern industry and factory positions, why pay multiple people to send out these viruses when you can just as easily only pay one person to create a single program that can do the job quickly and more proficiently.
The internet is as much of a jungle as any other industry is. Be it buying stocks on Wall St., writing for a paper, or just being a cook at a bar, times are moving fast and money is moving even faster. The human instinct of adaptability is audacious in all respects and those who don't move with the rest of the trend are going to get trampled. I'm not saying I condone the act of purposely making people's lives a living hell, but one thing I will say is in this unsteady economic climate, making people miserable is the only service that will never go out of style.

This is a topic I happen to have great interest in and I'm going to be writing about it much more in the future as soon as I can get more information on it. I hope to make this into a complete investigative report eventually including interviews with programmers and players in the cyber-economy. Tune in later this week for part two. As for now, as always, Cheers.

-Jonny Gonzo

citation and quotes taken from original article "Cracking open the cybercrime economy" by Tom Espiner http://resources.zdnet.co.uk/articles/features/0,1000002000,39291463-2,00.htm

Music Review: Star Fucking Hipsters "Until We're Dead"

I'll make this short because there's really not much to say come to think of it. The last year (or so?) Scott Sturgeon (Stza Crack) worked on a new project, Star Fucking Hipsters. Now, when I first heard of it I thought it was going to be Leftover Crack v.2 but I have to say they're pretty impressive. How I see it is take the best from both Choking Victim and Leftover Crack (with much more emphasis on Choking V), and add a female lead singer. On top of that add in one Miss Yula Beeri (of World/Inferno and Nanuchka fame) and that upon hearing you can tell Scott didn't write most of the songs and that's Star Fucking Hipsters. There's a couple songs I have some problems with but for every song that I'm not too fond of there's two others that make up for it. Personal favorites are "Two Cups of Tea", "Snitch to the Suture", and "Zombie Christ."

Track List

1. Until We're Dead
2. Two Cups of Tea
3. Immigrants and Hypocrites
4. Empty Lives
5. Snitch to the Suture
6. Only Sleep
7. 9/11 was (An Inside Joke)
8. The Path is Paved
9. Zombie Christ
10. This Wal-Mart Life
11. Broken
12. Death or Fight


It's worth a check out and a download if you're even remotely a fan of any of the "C-Squat" Bands. www.myspace.com/starfuckinghipsters

Fool Us Once...

As said in an Associated Press article, it turns out the very people who got into this economic mess are the ones that Washington is hoping to help get out of it.

The AP's review reveals one of the ironies of the bank bailout: The same executives who were at the controls as the banking system nearly collapsed are the ones the government is counting on to help save it.

Let me get this straight...the very guys who caused it, are being put back in charge to fix it. I can't even fathom what else to say about this. So I'll have the source say it for me while I drool on myself and my eyes roll in the back of my head.

Wells Fargo & Co., for example, once was among the top lenders of subprime mortgages, or loans to buyers with low credit scores. The company received $25 billion in bailout money and plans layoffs in the coming months. But longtime CEO Richard Kovacevich remains the company's chairman, and the board recently waived its mandatory retirement age for him. John Stumpf, the president since 2005, became chief executive in 2007.

I'm still clueless on what to say next. The very idea of keeping someone in charge who has fucked up so dramatically is like reelecting a president who got us into a war and within a couple years spent any and all surplus....oh wait...on second thought let's keep that example for another time. I'm a firm believer of learning from mistakes; this doesn't seem like it's a learning experience though, this is just downright ignorance. Alas, one can only repeat and mull this over to his or herself so many times before he or she loses any and all bowel control.

full news article at :
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090127/ap_on_bi_ge/meltdown_executives

Philadelphia voted #11 out of 22 "Best Cities for Riding Out a Recession"

As major Metro areas such as NYC, Chicago, LA, and San Francisco suffer who would've guessed Philly would actually be good for something? Business Week listed Philadelphia as #11 in their article/online slide show of "22 Best American Cities for Riding Out a Recession."

The city has plenty of large hospitals and educational institutions, including the University of Pennsylvania, Jefferson Medical School, and Temple University. It also has a large number of lawyers. Tourism could do fine in a downturn if Northeasterners decide to travel locally and foreigners continue to stream in to take advantage of the weak dollar. But Philadelphia has many stores and restaurants, which might get hit hard in a downturn.

Well hot damn! It turns out because of tourism, lack of big business and a more than surplus of hospitals, lawyers and schools, it's actually proven more than just a great place to grab some cheese steaks after getting into a drunken fist fight over a sports game. They said the restaurant business might suffer (which I've witnessed first hand at my own place of work) but still, "Killadelphia" has something to show for it besides high police brutality and gun violence levels. It's times like this that make me tear up with joy over a pint of Lager and a Flyers game. For the complete article check out http://images.businessweek.com/ss/08/10/1014_recession_cities/1.htm

Big Business not working? PSHAWW!

In business news, there's going to be a lot more room in the malls. I'm talking about major retailers and corporations that are closing stores and filling out bankruptcy papers. I was checking out some news online and I saw a wondrous little Forbes article about what major retailers are going under. In these uncertain economic times it's not a surprise to see businesses close, but when it comes to big upscale shops and boutiques? It fills my heart with a warm glow. A couple ones the list included are such clothing retailers as Eddie Bauer and Gap Inc. I guess upbeat pop songs in commercials just don't do it anymore. Other victims of America's "Oh hey we don't have any money" revolution are Circuit City (which is kind of a shame, now Ledgewood mall in Jersey only has one store worth seeing, the guitar shop) Sears-K-Mart, and *gasp* Starbucks. Now, the Latter isn't going anywhere, but they are saying they're closing another couple hundred stores. Big shame because now we have to walk one extra block for a cup of coffee. Timberland is also suffering, but again, it's just closing some stores. Applebees was also on the list and Mrs. Fields Cookies. Regrettably, giants Wal-Mart and McDonalds are still thriving because they're cheap but with any luck people will start cooking at home or going to small shops. Personally I am a strong believer in what this country needs isn't another bail out or tax-cut. What it needs is the reemergence of main st., USA and smaller independant businesses. Think about it, the richies have enough money as it is, smaller businesses owned by the middle and working classes are suffering though and in turn the economy is in pieces. I think it's a bit late to say "I told you so" to these big businesses, but hey, why the hell not. I TOLD YOU SOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Obama: Prophet of Perpetuity?

Call me a cynic, but I don't have faith in Obama at all, at least not until he proves me wrong. Already he has appointed primarily a lot of "Clintonites" and seems to be on the ball with big business. Change we need? So far doesn't seem like it. But only time will tell, as of this day (and in 4.5 hours as of this writing) he's going to be sworn in as figurehead #44. Now, I understand things can only get better...hopefully...everything is still up in the air. We'll see in 100 days if anything has been changed. Of course, here's my definition of change: universal health care, federal aid for an ailing working class, the abolition of the WTO and IMF, and an increase in jobs. It's a pretty tall order but hey, a guy can dream.