This is more of a follow up to the last written blog entry from a couple weeks ago. This is my new go to song.
Aug 25, 2010
Aug 22, 2010
Aug 1, 2010
Nights Like This...
I should have an emergency bottle of scotch on hand at all times because...damn. It started at work as most of these things do. I had a drink and was about to have another when across the room boisterous drunks broke out and flooded every ear in the room with what they do best, being fucking annoying. That and given that my two particular co-workers were at odds and both in moods I said "fuck this, I'm heading home." That's when everything started. I walked to the bus stop and missed the first bus there so I waited the fifteen minutes for the other one. Given it's Philadelphia on a Saturday/Sunday at 2 am (as soon as the bars close) a flood of even more annoying drunks came out of the wood work. There were mobs of obnoxious people picking fights with other obnoxious people, even more people just shouting, one or two standing on cars. In fact the only sweet hearted thing I saw that kept me from wanting to castrate all of humanity was a girl fell flat on her face and her boyfriend lovingly picked her up, dusted her off, and a couple women in a car at the red light poked out and said "are you okay sweetie?". At that the boyfriend, with a warm and slightly embarrassed smile, just lovingly said "yeah we're fine" and escorted his girlfriend the rest of the way home. Shortly afterwards the bus came and was quiet and welcoming. I got off at my stop, which, is still in town but certainly far away from the mobs in center city, and then even more drunks came by, this time in cars. There was honking, screaming out the window, some girls tried to get my attention by revving their engine and honking and I just hung my head, ignored them, and kept on my usual feverish pace. 30 minutes later I got home, was welcomed by a puddle of dog piss on the carpet, the dog doing her "will I or won't I go in" game after I let her out, and then she ran in and dragged her ass on the carpet in a panic because somehow she got a paint chip stuck to it. End Scene.
This is where I look back on that last paragraph and just think...WHY!? Why must people make asses of themselves? Why must everyone be so fucking miserable in their own lives they have to make everyone around them miserable as well? Why in the fuck am I still living in such a concentration of liars, thieves, loud mouths, and very very amateur drunks? I don't understand it and never will. Yes I've made an ass out of myself plenty of times, but never ever to the extent that I perceived every single goddamn mouth breather I came across tonight. The ONLY thing that is keeping me grounded in reality and not in fever dreams where I commit mass genocide are the little things such as the couple I saw at the bus stop I mentioned, and two women on the bus playing with a bubble gun...Thank you, I needed this.
This is where I look back on that last paragraph and just think...WHY!? Why must people make asses of themselves? Why must everyone be so fucking miserable in their own lives they have to make everyone around them miserable as well? Why in the fuck am I still living in such a concentration of liars, thieves, loud mouths, and very very amateur drunks? I don't understand it and never will. Yes I've made an ass out of myself plenty of times, but never ever to the extent that I perceived every single goddamn mouth breather I came across tonight. The ONLY thing that is keeping me grounded in reality and not in fever dreams where I commit mass genocide are the little things such as the couple I saw at the bus stop I mentioned, and two women on the bus playing with a bubble gun...Thank you, I needed this.
Jul 1, 2010
Main Stream Producers and Filmmakers Change Strategies
LOS ANGELES - Hollywood has decided to change its strategy to disenfranchise America's younger population. A current trend in movies, as many casual and critical film goers know, has been live action reboots and reinterpretations of familiar and well loved pop culture icons such as The Transformers and GI:Joe. Though monetary gain from these franchises has been great, Hollywood producers and studio executives feel "unfulfilled" as one source, a producer who has demanded to remain anonymous, has claimed. The source went on to say, "The problem with the 21-30 demographic, the kids who remember and care about these franchises, is by the time the average American is eighteen or twenty, he or she has most likely graduated High School and/or college and is already jaded and disenfranchised with the world. As businessmen, we need to start the process at a younger age, we need to start showing younger kids that the world is a harsh place but there is nothing they can do about it. That early complacency is key to future economic stability."
The most recent film to capitalize on this idea has been M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender a live action remake of the now famous cartoon Avatar:The Last Airbender which aired on Nickelodeon from 2005 to 2008. With its balance of dense narrative, darker themes, rich character development, martial arts action, and comedy, the cartoon has received high praise from critics, parents, and children alike and quickly became one of Nickelodeon, and it's parent company Viacom's, most successful franchises to date.
"[Avatar]has made us a ton of money in merchandise and viewership." said a representative from Viacom, "The problem was the show was too good. It blurred the lines of good and evil, black and white, and just made kids think too much. We received calls and emails from teachers and parents complaining that their children and students started asking too many questions. Take this scenario for instance. A third grade teacher in Arkansas wrote us an email in 2006 complaining that her student, an avid fan of Avatar:The Last Airbender, started questioning Columbus's discovery of America. He equated the idea of the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Marina landing in the West Indes to an early episode of the show where Prince Zuko and a Fire Nation ship land on the shores of the Southern Water Tribe demanding the tribe bring him the Avatar. In that first season Zuko is the main bad guy! We can't have our children thinking Columbus was a bad guy. That would undermine the very fabric of this country. Imagine what that student thought, a couple years later, when he saw Zuko become a good guy. He must have been so confused. The gray areas in this series are catastrophic to the fragile psyche of the American Youth. That's where M. Night came in."
M. Night Shyamalan has admitted in interviews to be a fan of Avatar: The Last Airbender because his children, also avid fans, watched the show religiously. Though Shyamalan has seen success with his movies and was nominated for Best Original Screenplay for his 1999 film The Sixth Sense his later and most recent works have often been ridiculed by movie goers and critics. The Viacom representative said this "When we heard Shemelon was a fan of the show, it was like a gigantic weight lifted off our shoulders. "Let's have HIM make a movie out of it! Surely if anyone can screw this franchise up it's him." I heard one of the execs say at one of quarterly meetings. On a slightly related note, that same exec just watched Lady in the Water the night prior. So we pushed Bryan [Konietzko] and Michael [DiMartino], the creators, to let Shamalama make the movie and the rest is history. We didn't need to do anything, we just let M. Night have full control and we knew it would be just what the doctor ordered.
Four years later The Last Airbender has hit theaters with much criticism. Critics such as Robert Ebert are already calling it "an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented." While still others say "it is a new low for Shyamalan."
"We know its crap, plain and simple, but we also know that these kids we're trying to set right are going to make their parents buy tickets and give us money so it's a win-win situation no matter how poor the movie is." said the Viacom representative.
How does it fit into Hollywood's new plan though? To find out just how effective this new direction is in creating apathy and complacency in younger children, Paramount Pictures, the studio who released this movie and another subsidiary of Viacom interviewed parents and children after a surprise, early screening of The Last Airbender at the Bridge Theater in Shyamalan's home city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. A parent who took her child to the screening was quoted in saying "I don't understand it, my seven year old son was so energetic and happy to see this movie, now he's just confused and sad. It's like he's a whole other person." Another parent said "My ten year old daughter just loves the character of Katara [one of the protagonists in the show and movie], she thinks she is such a strong and motherly character, always looking after Aang [the main protagonist]and the other down and out characters. She liked Katara so much that after the episode when Katara learns she has healing abilities, my girl went up to me and said "Mommy, I want to be a doctor, so I can heal and help people just like Katara does." but after the movie, her eyes were glossed over and glassy and she just stared in the middle darkness. When I asked if she wanted her doll to play doctor with, she just snatched the doll out of my hand and threw it into the street.I've never seen anything like it." One of our own reporters, also at the screening, was able to get permission to ask one of the children what they thought of the movie but all the child said was "Man alone suffers so excruciatingly in the world that he was compelled to invent laughter."
"Mission Accomplished!" said the anonymous producer from Hollywood,"This is fantastic news. We have many more movies in the works. 80s nostalgia is old hat, those kids are lost causes. It's time we set our sights to the 90s and the Aughts. I overheard a guy from Time-Warner talking about a gritty Freakazoid reboot at a Starbucks but I didn't think it would fly. "Too recent" I thought. Jokes on me, hell, Avatar:The Last Airbender is just two years old. New episodes were being made when the movie script was being written. This is a great day for all of us."
The most recent film to capitalize on this idea has been M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender a live action remake of the now famous cartoon Avatar:The Last Airbender which aired on Nickelodeon from 2005 to 2008. With its balance of dense narrative, darker themes, rich character development, martial arts action, and comedy, the cartoon has received high praise from critics, parents, and children alike and quickly became one of Nickelodeon, and it's parent company Viacom's, most successful franchises to date.
"[Avatar]has made us a ton of money in merchandise and viewership." said a representative from Viacom, "The problem was the show was too good. It blurred the lines of good and evil, black and white, and just made kids think too much. We received calls and emails from teachers and parents complaining that their children and students started asking too many questions. Take this scenario for instance. A third grade teacher in Arkansas wrote us an email in 2006 complaining that her student, an avid fan of Avatar:The Last Airbender, started questioning Columbus's discovery of America. He equated the idea of the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Marina landing in the West Indes to an early episode of the show where Prince Zuko and a Fire Nation ship land on the shores of the Southern Water Tribe demanding the tribe bring him the Avatar. In that first season Zuko is the main bad guy! We can't have our children thinking Columbus was a bad guy. That would undermine the very fabric of this country. Imagine what that student thought, a couple years later, when he saw Zuko become a good guy. He must have been so confused. The gray areas in this series are catastrophic to the fragile psyche of the American Youth. That's where M. Night came in."
M. Night Shyamalan has admitted in interviews to be a fan of Avatar: The Last Airbender because his children, also avid fans, watched the show religiously. Though Shyamalan has seen success with his movies and was nominated for Best Original Screenplay for his 1999 film The Sixth Sense his later and most recent works have often been ridiculed by movie goers and critics. The Viacom representative said this "When we heard Shemelon was a fan of the show, it was like a gigantic weight lifted off our shoulders. "Let's have HIM make a movie out of it! Surely if anyone can screw this franchise up it's him." I heard one of the execs say at one of quarterly meetings. On a slightly related note, that same exec just watched Lady in the Water the night prior. So we pushed Bryan [Konietzko] and Michael [DiMartino], the creators, to let Shamalama make the movie and the rest is history. We didn't need to do anything, we just let M. Night have full control and we knew it would be just what the doctor ordered.
Four years later The Last Airbender has hit theaters with much criticism. Critics such as Robert Ebert are already calling it "an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented." While still others say "it is a new low for Shyamalan."
"We know its crap, plain and simple, but we also know that these kids we're trying to set right are going to make their parents buy tickets and give us money so it's a win-win situation no matter how poor the movie is." said the Viacom representative.
How does it fit into Hollywood's new plan though? To find out just how effective this new direction is in creating apathy and complacency in younger children, Paramount Pictures, the studio who released this movie and another subsidiary of Viacom interviewed parents and children after a surprise, early screening of The Last Airbender at the Bridge Theater in Shyamalan's home city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. A parent who took her child to the screening was quoted in saying "I don't understand it, my seven year old son was so energetic and happy to see this movie, now he's just confused and sad. It's like he's a whole other person." Another parent said "My ten year old daughter just loves the character of Katara [one of the protagonists in the show and movie], she thinks she is such a strong and motherly character, always looking after Aang [the main protagonist]and the other down and out characters. She liked Katara so much that after the episode when Katara learns she has healing abilities, my girl went up to me and said "Mommy, I want to be a doctor, so I can heal and help people just like Katara does." but after the movie, her eyes were glossed over and glassy and she just stared in the middle darkness. When I asked if she wanted her doll to play doctor with, she just snatched the doll out of my hand and threw it into the street.I've never seen anything like it." One of our own reporters, also at the screening, was able to get permission to ask one of the children what they thought of the movie but all the child said was "Man alone suffers so excruciatingly in the world that he was compelled to invent laughter."
"Mission Accomplished!" said the anonymous producer from Hollywood,"This is fantastic news. We have many more movies in the works. 80s nostalgia is old hat, those kids are lost causes. It's time we set our sights to the 90s and the Aughts. I overheard a guy from Time-Warner talking about a gritty Freakazoid reboot at a Starbucks but I didn't think it would fly. "Too recent" I thought. Jokes on me, hell, Avatar:The Last Airbender is just two years old. New episodes were being made when the movie script was being written. This is a great day for all of us."
Jun 30, 2010
8 Mutants Killed in Gunbattle at Afghan Airport
KABUL, Afghanistan - Mutants set off a car bomb and stormed the entrance to a major NATO air base in eastern Afghanistan on Wednesday, authorities said. Eight of the beasts died in the failed assault. The CHUD (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers) Nation has taken full responsibility. This is the third ground attack from "the Nation" (as supporters and members informally call it) on NATO forces since drilling in the Middle East disturbed their home in early May. Using light weapons, and rocket-propelled grenades the mutants battled U.S. and Afghan forces for 30 minutes around the airport on the outskirts of Jalalabad city, the media office at the airport said.
"The beasts were not able to breach the perimeter. They were fought off by Coalition and Afghan forces." German army Brig. Gen. Josef Blotz, a spokesman for NATO, told reporters, "We've seen a lot out here this past decade. Car bombs, suicide bombers, and men and women who are civilian one second, enemy insurgent the next. The Middle East has always been a hot bed of violence and blurred lines. There is nothing these Humanoid Cannibals can throw at us that we haven't already seen."
A letter written on skin was sent to the Associated Press that said six suicide CHUD scouts killed 32 Coalition and Afghan forces at the airport about 80 miles east of the Afghan capital. The Nation often claims higher numbers in deaths than the official toll.
In an unrelated incident in East Afghanistan last week, a United States soldier was dragged underground and is considered missing in action. This brings the possible American death toll to 59 in June.
At a Press conference held shortly after the most recent attack, when asked about the addition of the CHUD Nation to an already volatile situation in Afghanistan American General David H. Petraeus, who recently was put in command of Afghan forces, had no comment.
"The beasts were not able to breach the perimeter. They were fought off by Coalition and Afghan forces." German army Brig. Gen. Josef Blotz, a spokesman for NATO, told reporters, "We've seen a lot out here this past decade. Car bombs, suicide bombers, and men and women who are civilian one second, enemy insurgent the next. The Middle East has always been a hot bed of violence and blurred lines. There is nothing these Humanoid Cannibals can throw at us that we haven't already seen."
A letter written on skin was sent to the Associated Press that said six suicide CHUD scouts killed 32 Coalition and Afghan forces at the airport about 80 miles east of the Afghan capital. The Nation often claims higher numbers in deaths than the official toll.
In an unrelated incident in East Afghanistan last week, a United States soldier was dragged underground and is considered missing in action. This brings the possible American death toll to 59 in June.
At a Press conference held shortly after the most recent attack, when asked about the addition of the CHUD Nation to an already volatile situation in Afghanistan American General David H. Petraeus, who recently was put in command of Afghan forces, had no comment.
Jun 24, 2010
A Bonding Moment With Dad
Dad- Son, out of my brothers and I, who do you think is the smartest?
me- I don't know, umm...Uncle ------?
D- Actually it's your Uncle ---, he's an accomplished scientist. Now, second question, who do you think has the biggest dick?
m- ...you mean second biggest?
D- (nods approvingly)Good answer
me- I don't know, umm...Uncle ------?
D- Actually it's your Uncle ---, he's an accomplished scientist. Now, second question, who do you think has the biggest dick?
m- ...you mean second biggest?
D- (nods approvingly)Good answer
Jun 3, 2010
Music Review: Gogol Bordello "Trans-Continental Hustle"
I know I promised beer reviews but I haven't been able to sit down and get a good thing going with those so we'll call those on Hiatus right now. That said, here's a review for the new Gogol Bordello album Trans-Continental Hustle.
For those of you not familiar with the band, here's a quick synopsis of what they are. Take a bunch of Eastern European immigrants, give them a mix of folk instruments (accordion, violin, etc.) and electric guitars and shove them into the modern day NYC punk rock scene. You have the lead singer Eugene Hűtz, an energetic, quarter Romany descendant from Ukraine who is a much better show man than singer and a mix match of other Gypsies and outcasts having a good time and playing music that's a mix of folk, kleizmer, punk rock, dub, hip hop, Balkan brass, what have you. They came on the scene in the early aughts and broke out with their second full length album and my personal favorite of there's Multi Kontra Culti vs. Irony since then they've received a lot more attention through use on music soundtracks (Everything is Illuminated and Wristcutters: a Love Storyare two that come to mind)and playing festivals like Lollapalooza and Bonnaroo. Now that introductions are done, here's the review.
In a few words "it's Gogol Bordello", in one word "tired". While most bands I've listened to and still do try to tweak their formula with every album to produce something fresh, Gogol Bordello is sticking to the same coattails that have carried them since their third album Gypsy Punks:Underdog World Strike which, while sounding a bit apart from Multi Kontra, still offered a pretty good range of memorable songs and pretty solid messages in some of them. In their following album Super Taranta they returned back to sounding a lot more like Multi Kontra which was nice but a couple songs irked me the wrong way. Trans-Continental Hustle isn't terrible, just over all pretty forgettable. Hell, I've been listening to it this entire review and already I forget most of what I've just heard. I don't buy albums very much, but when I see something from a band I've always loved and supported (i.e. when I saw the most recent offering from Gorillaz Plastic Beach I picked it up immediately) I drop the money I could have otherwise saved by pirating it offline and hold my breath. Trans-Continental Hustle is the weakest offering from Gogol Bordello, flat, which isn't saying it's bad, just they're totally capable of better stuff, I've heard it. Keeping with my rating system from the last music review (Full Price, Buy Used, Download, Fuck It) this is a solid Download if you're a fan of the band. If you haven't heard them, skip this and buy their first two Voi-La Intruder and/or, and I'll drop the name of the album again Multi Kontra Culti vs. Irony.
Track List
1. Pala Tute
2. My Companjera
3. Sun is on My Side
4. Rebellious Love
5. Immigraniada (We Comin' Rougher)
6. When Universes Collide
7. Uma Menina
8. Raise the Knowledge
9. Last One Goes the Hope
10. To Rise Above
11. In the Meantime in Pernambuco
12. Break the Spell
13. Trans-Continental Hustle
For those of you not familiar with the band, here's a quick synopsis of what they are. Take a bunch of Eastern European immigrants, give them a mix of folk instruments (accordion, violin, etc.) and electric guitars and shove them into the modern day NYC punk rock scene. You have the lead singer Eugene Hűtz, an energetic, quarter Romany descendant from Ukraine who is a much better show man than singer and a mix match of other Gypsies and outcasts having a good time and playing music that's a mix of folk, kleizmer, punk rock, dub, hip hop, Balkan brass, what have you. They came on the scene in the early aughts and broke out with their second full length album and my personal favorite of there's Multi Kontra Culti vs. Irony since then they've received a lot more attention through use on music soundtracks (Everything is Illuminated and Wristcutters: a Love Storyare two that come to mind)and playing festivals like Lollapalooza and Bonnaroo. Now that introductions are done, here's the review.
In a few words "it's Gogol Bordello", in one word "tired". While most bands I've listened to and still do try to tweak their formula with every album to produce something fresh, Gogol Bordello is sticking to the same coattails that have carried them since their third album Gypsy Punks:Underdog World Strike which, while sounding a bit apart from Multi Kontra, still offered a pretty good range of memorable songs and pretty solid messages in some of them. In their following album Super Taranta they returned back to sounding a lot more like Multi Kontra which was nice but a couple songs irked me the wrong way. Trans-Continental Hustle isn't terrible, just over all pretty forgettable. Hell, I've been listening to it this entire review and already I forget most of what I've just heard. I don't buy albums very much, but when I see something from a band I've always loved and supported (i.e. when I saw the most recent offering from Gorillaz Plastic Beach I picked it up immediately) I drop the money I could have otherwise saved by pirating it offline and hold my breath. Trans-Continental Hustle is the weakest offering from Gogol Bordello, flat, which isn't saying it's bad, just they're totally capable of better stuff, I've heard it. Keeping with my rating system from the last music review (Full Price, Buy Used, Download, Fuck It) this is a solid Download if you're a fan of the band. If you haven't heard them, skip this and buy their first two Voi-La Intruder and/or, and I'll drop the name of the album again Multi Kontra Culti vs. Irony.
Track List
1. Pala Tute
2. My Companjera
3. Sun is on My Side
4. Rebellious Love
5. Immigraniada (We Comin' Rougher)
6. When Universes Collide
7. Uma Menina
8. Raise the Knowledge
9. Last One Goes the Hope
10. To Rise Above
11. In the Meantime in Pernambuco
12. Break the Spell
13. Trans-Continental Hustle
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